Applying the 80-20 rule, a.k.a the Pareto Principle, to relationships boils down to choosing which sets of causes and effects we want to limit or maximize.  The 80-20 rule restated with respect to relationships goes something like this:

Roughly 80% of the effects, given a cause, come from 20% of your relationships.

My personal corollary to that statement is:

Constantly contribute 80% of your energy to the 20% of your relationships generating the effects you want to optimize for.

The concept is simple but very hard to apply. The personal thought process behind my constant relationship introspection would be:

• Accomplishing goals with doing takes time, however, life is short
• 6,782,989,098 people currently inhabit this planet (U.S. Census Bureau)
• Dunbar’s Number tells me I can personally support around ~150 relationships
• I want to leave a noticeable mark on Des Moines and the WORLD
• My current 150 may help me leave a mark on Des Moines
• My current 150, statistically speaking, will need to be adjusted to have an impact on the WORLD
• Making choices is a natural part of life
• You are defined by the hard choices you make

Selfish? Ambitious? Crazy? Right on? … I’ll let you make that call in the comments

Also, what factors do you optimize for in YOUR life?

Delivering a narrow message to a broad audience using obtrusive communication channels creates a perception of pontification (and spam). True leaders do not pontificate onto others. True leaders do not need a volume knob to drown out critical opinions.  True leaders defer to other leaders for matters outside their knowledge base or skill set. Most importantly:

True leaders target an engage-able audience by reducing the signal vs. noise ratio of the medium the message is being delivered through.

Being an assertive, soft-spoken leader is about finding and engaging the right audience or group who are willing to act and follow your lead. If you find yourself turning the volume knob up on a particular matter; examining your own knowledge base and skill set may help root out your personal leadership shortcomings.

Every situation a leader encounters will not be perfectly suited to their style of leadership.  Recognizing and handling the ill fitting situations deftly with grace is a skill all leaders should strive to improve upon.  Being self-aware of the moment you reach for the volume knob is an easy skill to learn….as long as your volume isn’t already turned up to 11.

What other advantages have you found by having a soft-spoken approach to leadership?

Justin affirms my belief that being a small business owner makes you part of a select group of people that are not afraid to strike it out on their own. He proves that we are all in this together. We need to stick together. We need to know what others are doing. We need to have an idea of each others clientele. Even more specifically, each others IDEAL client. The importance of referring preferred clientele can not be understated.

Refer someone to business you love but aren’t sure they know you.  You may kick-start a relationship and a line of referrals in the process. Word of mouth is a powerful force. If you are disengaged in the local business community (or a jerk), no one will be sending business your direction. Fight against the urge to silo yourself. Helping other small businesses out is EASY and it costs you NOTHING.

Again, we are all in this together. There is strength in numbers. Let’s use math and common sense to our advantage.

Now, take a minute or five to learn a thing or two from Justin.

Networking for Nerds Guide by Justin Brady in PDF Format (with a bonus tip!)

Practical and Tangible Reasons To Cowork

• Free Coffee
• Cheap!
• Varying Levels of Membership
• Free WiFi
• Bill Consolidation
• Mobility
• Month-to-Month Freedom

Intangible, Yet Extremely Vital Reasons to Cowork

• Built-in Networking Opportunities
• Community Sustainability
• Interpersonal Advice
• Camaraderie
• Motivation
• Strong Sense of Values